The Writer Competition

The Writer is an online ‘reality’ writing competition created by TheNakedConvos, where contestants are given a topic or theme to write on each week and you, the public, as well as our judges, will assess them and vote to keep the best writers in the game. The inaugural edition (Click Here To See It) was very exciting and this year’s promises to be even better.

The Process.

• Ten writers will be shortlisted from the qualifications stage/entry submissions.
• These writers will contest in the online writing competition.
• The competition will require all writers to send in their themed write-ups/posts/stories weekly by a deadline.
• Posts from all the writers will be put up for members of the public to read and vote for.
• At the end of the voting period, a panel of judges will evaluate the posts and score them using pre-communicated criteria.
• The public votes and the votes from the judges will be combined and based on this; Writers will be eliminated weekly until a final winner – THE WRITER – emerges.

Who is it for?
There are no age, location or gender restrictions for the competition. All members of the general public are encouraged to send in pre-qualification entries.

More information here

Calabar Festival Poetry Slam

Calabar Festival Poetry Slam!! Bassey Ikpi will headline the show at the Transcorp Hilton Hotel Calabar on December 17, 2012. Red carpet starts by 4pm. There will also be other amazing performers. More information on poster!

#Excuse Me: An Excerpt

I Want a Private Jet, So Help Me God!

Yes, the title of this week’s piece is not a mistake, and if by the time it is published my editor has changed the headline, the two of us will put our legs in one trouser.

Flying Aero Contractors to Benin City last Friday has temporarily cured me of rolling my eyes at our president, mega-pastors and Governor Amaechi of Rivers State from buying pimped-out private jets...

Ahem, as I was saying, last Friday I decided to pay a weekend visit to Benin where our Comrade Governor Oshiomole is on the other side of the labour fence now...I boarded the plane and flying makes me queasy like I was doing mental arithmetic in front of my headmaster, Mr. Akwa Duru. God bless his departed soul. But to reduce my tension, I decided to dream of the ogbono soup and pounded yam my uncle's wife had promised me once I landed. As I was salivating on the thought of eating dry fish, the plane started shaking. Brothers and sisters, it takes only a small bump for my palms to start flooding like Lekki palms during rainy season. I kept telling myself—calm down, it is only a thirty-minute journey. Little did I know we were in for a three-hour ride, it was as if the flight path had suddenly become the Benin-Ore road.

The pilot commanded us to fasten our seat belts and ordered the air hostess to stop all activities. When air hostesses are ordered to sit down, it cannot possibly be Owambe situation. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have some planes ahead of us trying to land in Benin as soon as they do, we too can land. Enjoy the free ride till we are able to land." Haw-haw-haw, very funny. It was obviously a Comedy Central situation for the pilot—and a hellish ride for the passengers. 

For what seemed like an eternity, the pilot didn’t speak to us. At one point, we were so close to landing that I saw rooftops and the erosion gullies of Benin. But within seconds the pilot put the plane on gear five and went back into the clouds. Suddenly, another forceful vibration started. It was time for me to start forgiving all my real and imagined enemies and cancelling debts. Before I knew it, two women in the seat in front of mine jumpstarted a full gospel ministry. As the plane danced, one of the women, a Pastor Woman, fired on strong prayers—on how God had promised His children power over untimely death! Meanwhile, I was struggling to find words from the Bible besides “Peace, be still” which was what Jesus Christ commanded the turbulent sea when the boat carrying him and his disciples started misbehaving. Mind you when you are facing turbulence in the air, there are certain words you just don't want to include in prayer, for example, no “Die! Die! Die!”

After what seemed like forever and with the impromptu church service still in full swing, the pilot finally said we were returning to Lagos because we couldn’t land. Now Pastor Woman and the congregation did not see any need for praying in regular English anymore, all communications with our Creator was now rendered in tongues. Pastor Woman clenched and unclenched her hands, stabbing the air, and if not for the pilot's warning about wearing seat belts, she would have gotten up and started distributing holy spirits freely. At this point, my prayers became audible. The pilot didn’t update us again while we were worshiping and binding the devil and the plane was doing Bonsue Fuji! A gentleman begged profusely to use the toilet; gasps and moans were heard for every violent shake the plane did. I had already sweated out all my bodily fluids through my palms!

To cut short story long, we landed safely and the passengers erupted in high praise and worship songs like we were having a child dedication. The pilot asked us to disembark so they could refuel because there were “no emergency services to watch over the plane while it was being refuelled with passengers inside.” Hmmm. He said he was going back to Benin. Me? I ran out of the plane and bade him safe journey.

Why do I want a private jet when I am not the president or the governor of any state or pastor of any church? Because the Aero pilot did not communicate enough to either calm our fears or let us know what the deal was. His two updates during a three hour ordeal were enough. So, in my private jet, I want to have access to the cockpit and lay hands on my pilot if need be. If you are reading this and the Lord has touched your heart, buy me a Canadian-made Bombardier Global Express XRS. Remember God loves a cheerful giver, which is why God loves hardworking Nigerians who cannot afford Okada ride yet keep giving planes and jets to their various governmental and religious leaders! - EXCUSE ME!

Victor Ehikhamenor is an internationally known visual artist and writer. He received his BA in English and Literary Studies from Ambrose Alli University. He holds a Masters degree in Technology Management, as well as MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Maryland, USA. Widely exhibited at home and abroad, Ehikhamenor is a regular contributor to magazines and journals on social issues. He has won awards for his works; these include the 2008 Leon Forest Scholar Fiction Award and a Breadloaf Scholarship. He served as NEXT Newspaper’s first Creative Director and maintained a weekly column in the paper which forms the bedrock of this new book. He manages his own creative and strategic communication company, VEE Global Concepts.  Excuse Me, his first book was published by Parresia Publishers. For copies, please call Femi Morgan for Roving Heights on 08181880536 or Servio Gbadamosi for WriteHouse on 08053164359 or a Parrésia rep on 08087304400. 

Reading List: Victor Ehikhamenor

This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz 

This book is really funny; it deals with the entanglements that beset love and its practitioners. I like it because of the use of "vernacular" Spanish without apology. Diaz is from the Dominican Republic and he spiced up the book, the way a Nigerian author would with Pidgin English or even his/her first language, be it Igbo, Yoruba or Esan.

Even The Dogs by Jon McGregor
The author experimented with language, and succeeded. It inspired one of my new stories, "Look Alike", the language is beautifully woven, poetic and tells a very painful story of homeless junky friends and what they went through when one of them died. 

One Day I Will Write About This Place by Binyavanga Wainaina
It is one of those few creative non-fiction memoir that rides the delicate line of reality and fiction. I love what he has done with the his story in the book. 

An Elegy for Easterly by Petina Gappah 
I just went to re-read one story in there that cracks me up, it is called 'The Mupandawa Dancing Champion". I love funny stories, and Gappah  handles humour very well in her writing. But the story is also quite sad at the end.

Why We Struck: The Story of the First Nigerian Coup by Adewale Ademoyega
I have had the book since 1989. I am re-reading some parts of it after reading Achebe's new book. Ademoyega, one of the surviving few of the first coup and the Civil War helps put some things in perspective for me. You will be shocked at what he has to say about Ojukwu and Gowon and the way they both handle dthe war. It should be read as an accompaniment to Achebe's There Was A Country, to see if there was really ever a country.

Victor Ehikhamenor is an internationally known visual artist and writer. He received his BA in English and Literary Studies from Ambrose Alli University. He holds a Masters degree in Technology Management, as well as MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Maryland, USA. Widely exhibited at home and abroad, Ehikhamenor is a regular contributor to magazines and journals on social issues. He has won awards for his works; these include the 2008 Leon Forest Scholar Fiction Award and a Breadloaf Scholarship. He served as NEXT Newspaper’s first Creative Director and maintained a weekly column in the paper which forms the bedrock of this new book. He manages his own creative and strategic communication company, VEE Global Concepts. His latest book Excuse Me was published by Parresia Publishers. 

BookNGuage 18: Real Words

Pulpfaction Book Club in collaboration with Saraba Magazine is organizing the 18th Edition of Book n' Guage, a monthly literary event for lovers of literature and the arts at large. Featured writers include award winning Victor Ehikhamenor, author of best-selling Excuse Me!, and Maik Nwosu, author of Invisible Chapters.

At the event, Saraba Magazine will be awarding the Saraba/PEN Nigeria Poetry Prize, awarded jointly by PEN Nigeria and Saraba Magazine to a poet whose work was featured the previous year in one of the editions of the magazine. Ikeogu Oke, Dike Chukwumerije and Ajayi Kolade are the poets whose poems have been shortlisted for the Prize. The prize money for this year's prize is 50,000 Naira for the winning poet, and 15,000 each for the runners-up.

In addition to conversations with the featured writers, and a general Q & A session, the event will equally feature poetry performances by Atitola Morunfola, Tofarati-GT, Uche Nwadinachi, Daropale Victor and Olulu. Critically acclaimed musicians, Dtone Martinsand Lumynos (who have thrilled the Book n' Guage audience in the past), will also perform that evening.

The featured authors are well recognized writers and artists. 

Victor Ehikhamenor is a Nigerian artist, writer, photographer, and news media designer. He worked at NEXT newspapers as the creative director, as well as the Daily Times Nigeria as CEO/Editor-in-Chief. Apart from painting, photographing, and exhibiting his works around the world, he runs a strategic communication and branding firm. He is the author of best-selling book Excuse Me!; his short story, The Supreme Command, won the Association of Commonwealth Broadcasters Award; and his poetry collection, Sordid Rituals, was published in 2002.

Dr. Maik Nwosu is an associate professor of African and world literature at the University of Denver, Colorado. Nwosu's poetry collection, Suns of Kush, was awarded the Association of Nigerian Authors/Cadbury Poetry Prize. His novels, Invisible Chapters and Alpha Song, received the Association of Nigerian Authors Prose Prize and the Association of Nigerian Authors/Spectrum Prose Prize respectively. He has also published a short story collection, Return to Algadez, and a scholarly text on the traveling sign, Markets of Memories: Between the Postcolonial and the Transnational. His poems, stories, and novel excerpts have appeared in Okike, Drumvoices Revue, New Writing 14, Dublin Quarterly, El Ghibli, Fiction International, and Agni Online. Nwosu is a fellow of the Akademie Schloss Solitude, Stuttgart, Germany and the Civitella Ranieri Center in Umbertide, Italy, as well as a member of the Phi Beta Delta Honor Society for International Scholars.

As is the usual practice at the event, classic books will be auctioned to fastest-bidding attendees

Date: 15 December 2012

Venue: Debonairs Bookshop (Ground floor, 294 Herbert Macaulay Street, Yaba, Lagos).

Time: 2-5pm

Gate: Free, but donations to the Book Club and Saraba Magazine welcome

For more information, please write pulpfactioner@gmail.com, sarabamag@gmail.com or call 08053455929 or 08060050835. The Twitter hashtag for the event is #BooknGuage18

iRead December: What do Children Want?

The monthly book reading/discussion session, iRead is happening  again and this time, we are focusing on children and their rights to  a good education, to mark Human Rights Day – Dec 10.

iRead is a monthly writer/reader interactive session hosted by DADA  Books and the Committee for Relevant Art (CORA). The December  edition of iRead is being held in collaboration with Children And  The Environment (CATE), an organisation committed to promoting child  and environmental health issues amongst children and young people.

The December edition of iRead will provide the platform for young, emerging writers to meet and interact with established writers. The gathering will focus mainly on children literature and writing for children and will feature activities such as reading stories, sharing stories, discussions around literary works, quiz, film screening (dedicated to the rights of the child) etc.

Two established authors of children literature, Mobolaji Adenubi and Sola Alamutu will be facilitating the interactive session.

Mobolaji Adenubi retired from the Federal Civil Service Nigeria to devote her time to writing. She has been promoting creative writing, particularly the children genre for over two decades. She was the pioneer president of the Women Writers of Nigeria (WRITA) and a past vice-chairman of the Association of Nigerian Authors, Lagos State Chapter.

Sola Alamutu: Ms Alamutu is the brain behind Children And The Environment (CATE), an organisation that creates awareness in children about the importance of education and the environment. She is a co-author of CATE Saves the Ikopi Rainforest, a children’s book that won the 2004 ANA Prize for Children’s Literature. She is currently Publicity Secretary of the Women Writers of Nigeria (WRITA) Lagos branch and member of the Association of Nigerian  Authors (ANA), Lagos State Chapter.

To give the right kind of atmosphere and to generate sector specific feedback, we will be joined by the major stakeholders, children.DADA Stores is supporting this event with interesting gift items for every child that participates in the event.

Date: Saturday December 15

Time: 2-6pm

Venue: CORA House (1st floor) 95 Bode Thomas, Surulere, Lagos.

#Excuse Me

When a Nigerian says excuse me, he is trying to get someone's attention. He needs to be heard, and urgently too. It does not matter whether it is polite or followed by a long hiss; there is usually a reaction. "Excuse Me!" is a phrase that cuts across all boundaries; it is one that every Nigerian understands. 

Maybe that is why Victor Ehikhamenor chose the common Nigerian phrase, to catch our attention, to urge us to listen and to watch our reaction. Excuse Me! is a collection of essays that refuse to be categorized; they are funny and thought provoking essays; they draw our attention to see ourselves through the mirror of words. The book pokes us on the shoulder some times; at other times, it laughs in our face; and at other times it just calls us to look at ourselves, as a people, warts and all.

Excuse Me! let me introduce Ehikhamenor, the author, to you.  

Victor Ehikhamenor is an internationally known visual artist and writer. He received his BA in English and Literary Studies from Ambrose Alli University. He holds a Masters degree in Technology Management, as well as MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Maryland, USA. Widely exhibited at home and abroad, Ehikhamenor is a regular contributor to magazines and journals on social issues. He has won awards for his works; these include the 2008 Leon Forest Scholar Fiction Award and a Breadloaf Scholarship. He served as NEXT Newspaper’s first Creative Director and maintained a weekly column in the paper which forms the bedrock of this new book. He manages his own creative and strategic communication company, VEE Global Concepts. 

These skills – this creativity – are fused in Excuse Me! as words and art dance on pages to reach readers. Published by Parrésia Publishers Ltd and subtitled “One Nigerian’s funny outsized reality”, Ehikhamenor uses his skill for deft satire and incisive logic to paint a compelling picture of Nigeria, better than any of his famous artwork has succeeded in doing in the past. Each essay is not longer than 900-words, making for an easy yet comprehensive dissection of issues.

Excuse Me! was released on November 30th, 2012 and early praise has already come in from such people as Pius Adesanmi, Ikhide Ikheloa, Amma Ogan and ace comedian, Ali Baba, who has known Victor’s creative “madness” as a schoolmate and friend at Ambrose Ali University, Ekpoma. There will be a public release of the book in the second week of January, 2012 at an event in Lagos to welcome this collector’s item to Nigeria’s bookshelves.

#ExcuseMe, if you would like a copy of any new Parresia title: Excuse Me by Victor Ehikhamenor, Oil on Water by Helon Habila and Bofak by Tanimu Sule Lagi or any other Parrésia books, please call Femi Morgan for Roving Heights on 08181880536 or Servio Gbadamosi for WriteHouse on 08053164359 or a Parrésia rep on 08087304400 or send a mail to orders@parresiapublishers.com